Trust His Heart

"When it's hard to understand His ways, stand on His promises.  When it's hard to trace His hand -- trust His heart." Ann Voskamp

I don't love my life right now.  There have been times when I have.  Times I've woken up in the morning glad to be alive, eager for my feet to hit the floor. I've felt the energy of doing what I love, the satisfaction of working hard and seeing results.

Right now seems the opposite.  I don't even know what to dream anymore.  I'm scared to want things.  I feel a little lost and very alone.  I hate typing these things, because I try to will them to not be true.  This isn't me.

It's hard to trace His hand right now.  When the lines go all over the place and I can't keep up.

But I keep hearing this quiet voice whispering to my heart, "press in."

So I let the tears fall.  I feel the disappointment.

My emotions were high this morning, it felt good being at church, surrounded by good people.  But a simple text that canceled my lunch plans with a friend sank my feelings low.

Trust His heart.

Stand on His promises.

How do I know His promises?  Read His word.
Saturate my soul with the truth of scripture.

Do I trust His heart?  Do I trust that His plans are good?  Do I trust that times like this won't last forever, and it's in the pruning that fruit is able to grow (ah! more on that later as well).

I wrote this a couple weeks ago, I had forgotten to post it - and of course more has happened since then.  God has been faithful to remind my heart of the truth.  And I want to write more, I always do.

Just Enough Grace

I knew it was coming, but was hoping this time would be easier.

Coming home is hard.

Back to real life.
Back to the mundane, the everyday, the seemingly insignificant.

This morning my heart was real before God as I journaled my thoughts and emotions.
I felt Him whisper to my soul - trust Me.  He knows the emotion, the conflict in my spirit, the hardness of the day-to-day.

I turned on my worship music and let His truth wash over my heart.
He gives grace.  Grace enough for today.
Tomorrow will be the same - just enough grace.

I do have pictures and stories to share - they will be coming!

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." 

Psalm 73:24

Two Weeks Out

During our Haiti team meeting/rehearsal yesterday it really hit me - I leave for Haiti SOON!
Less than two week away - what?

Preparations are going well and personal planning has begun in earnest for me.  Quite a bit has happened in my life recently, so I haven't had a lot time to think about packing lists and things to buy/gather before the trip.  Guess how I'll be spending my 3-day weekend?!

My church (Harvest Bible Chapel Lancaster) has been significantly involved in Haiti for the last couple years.  My small group leader has been to Haiti 5 times (with Harvest) and helped to really build up and equip the church leaders we'll be working with; thus laying the groundwork for this missions trip.  This last group meeting he was able to share a little backstory - and it was so incredible and encouraging.  I'm really hoping to record some highlights from his sharing here so you can understand and see what God has been doing in Haiti, specifically through Harvest.

Last post I asked for nine special prayer partners who would commit to praying for me on a specific day of the trip.  I'm still in need of a couple more - find the details HERE.

Updated Team Prayer Requests

Health - I've been sick the last couple days and some other members of our team are struggling with some head colds, etc.  Pray for complete healing and strength before we leave.

Kids ministry prep - My team is in charge of two days of kids ministry.  Pray for the planning and also that God would prepare the kids' hearts to receive His truth.

Haitian People - This is an evangelistic outreach trip.  Pray that God would be working in the lives of the Haitian people and their hearts would be open to the truth of the gospel.

Our Hearts - Pray that our hearts would be focused on Jesus.  Pray that God would be at work in our hearts as we see and experience things that will break our hearts.

Finances - Huge PRAISE!  We are almost 90% fully funded as a team.  Pray for the remaining 10% to come in and a blessing on those who have generously given.


Thank you, thank you, thank you to all my supporters.  Your prayers and financial support mean so much to me.  You are a blessing and I pray that God richly rewards you for your generosity.

Prayer Partners

Will you pray with me?  Will you pray for me?

I'll be leaving June 9th and returning June 18th.  Nine days of travel, ministry, singing, loving people, etc.  Many have said they would pray, many will pray, but I'm asking for a handful of my friends/family to take it a step further. I am looking for nine people to pray for me on a specific day of my trip - one for each day of my time in Haiti.

Interested?
If you are willing to be one of the nine, I would assign you a specific date and give you a detailed itinerary for the day and prayer requests.  You would receive an update on how that particular day played out, and how God answered prayer.  Please reply in the comment section if you don't have any of my personal contact info, otherwise - facebook, email, text, etc.

Thank you!

In the meantime, here are some recent prayer requests.  Your prayers are so appreciated.

Prayer requests:
Sarah Martin - a team member who has been struggling with migraines.  She's changing medications and it is a difficult adjustment.  Pray for healing, strength and grace.

Transportation - pray for us to find affordable, reliable rental cars for our time in Miami.  Also, pray for Pastor Michael Sust as he works out the transportation details in Haiti.

Children's Ministry - pray as we prepare and organize for our time of kids ministry in Haiti (I have volunteered to head up the planning for the Lancaster team).  We will be working with children nearly every morning.

Unexpected

June seems far away, and my trip to Haiti doesn't seem real.

Time passes faster than I give it credit for, and I know tomorrow will be June 9th and I'll be standing in line at the airport with my team, boarding for a trip that will change our hearts forever.

I was chatting with a gentleman from work about the upcoming trip.  We (a fellow teammate and I were putting on a fundraiser) were sharing details about the trip and a couple prayer requests and he had some words of advice.

To summarize, in my own words, his thoughts;
You're preparing to worship, to share the gospel, to influence these people.  Plans have been made and schedules organized, but it's the unexpected that will change you the most - leave room and prepare your heart for the unexpected.

The unexpected.

The little moments you didn't plan for
The interrupted plans that seemed to backfire
The random conversation that turned significant
The heartfelt prayers and struggles of fellow teammates

God is ultimately planning this trip and it may seem completely different and off-track, but God works in the unexpected and those moments don't take God by surprise.  Quite the contrary, they were planned by Him.

Leave room for the unexpected.

Prayer Request
That God would prepare our hearts for what He has planned

Haiti - 2016

Six years ago I applied for my passport and I was convinced that Haiti was going to be the very first stamp.

Honduras
Nepal
but no Haiti.

I was eighteen when the earthquake of 2010 wrecked havoc on the destitute country of Haiti. Everything within me wanted to come to their aid, to help, comfort, do something.  It soon became clear, however, that then was not the time. Fast forward six years and the time has now presented itself.

Come June, my passport will contain the Haitian stamp.

I am thrilled to be apart of a Worship Outreach Missions trip throughout Haiti, with my local church (Harvest Bible Chapel Lancaster).

We will work with a number of churches in Haiti, including two Harvest churches, doing evangelistic music outreach events across the country.  The gospel will go forth to the people as we sing and serve alongside the Haitian church.

Launching our trip in Miami, FL, we will serve alongside Harvest Miami to do our first outreach event on American soil before flying to Haiti.  I will be traveling, ministering and singing alongside 21 people from my church AND 20-25 people from Harvest St. Louis.

The entirety of this trip is committed to God and it is my heart to see His high and lifted up.  I covet your prayers before and during this trip.  In order for this outreach to be successful we need God to do His work, and I firmly believe this will happen if His people pray!

Prayer Requests
- Team unity
- Strength to minister in a spiritually dark place like Haiti
- Clear communication between St. Louis and Lancaster teams
- Prepare people's hearts in Haiti to hear the gospel
- Funds for the team to go

A couple specifics:
Trip Date: June 9th-18th
Cost: $1,500
Outreach Location: Miami, Cabaret, Port-au-Prince, Maplat, Jacmel

Also, if you would like to make a tax-deductible financial contribution click HERE and select "Haiti" from the drop-down menu.

Stay tuned for updates and more info!!

Heart Thoughts

I look at this place and it's where my heart wants to be.  It's where I remember the feelings and emotions of looking out, seeing the Himalayan mountains, and feeling small.  And God feeling big.

Why was it so easy to see the love of Jesus in this place?

Why is it so hard to love American people who seem to have everything they could ever want?

Why does my drive to love others seem less?

Why does Jesus seem different?

I know Jesus is the same.  But to be perfectly honest, sometimes it feels like He was different over in Nepal.  He would give me so much love for other people, so much energy to give without expecting anything in return.

Now I look out over a crowd of Christians here at home and my heart begins to judge instead of love.  I doubt motives instead of testing my own.  I see pride instead of potential.  I see sinners instead of a Savior.

Now I have to ask myself the question "Who changed?  God, or me?"

God doesn't change.  I stake my life on that fact.  

So then it's me.  I realize I've let circumstances change my view of God.  I've let busyness crowd out the quiet and I've let my own pride stand in the way of Jesus having His way in my heart.

So my daily reminder is this - Seek Jesus.

Seek Jesus and listen.
It takes a daily commitment.  Daily saying yes to Jesus; seeking Him.
He longs to pour His love over my soul and watch it bubble over into the lives of others.  He's waiting for me to humble myself before Him and forget about myself.  He is the same.

It's focusing on the unseen things that creates visible change.

Love never fails and God's love never changes.