Heart Thoughts

I look at this place and it's where my heart wants to be.  It's where I remember the feelings and emotions of looking out, seeing the Himalayan mountains, and feeling small.  And God feeling big.

Why was it so easy to see the love of Jesus in this place?

Why is it so hard to love American people who seem to have everything they could ever want?

Why does my drive to love others seem less?

Why does Jesus seem different?

I know Jesus is the same.  But to be perfectly honest, sometimes it feels like He was different over in Nepal.  He would give me so much love for other people, so much energy to give without expecting anything in return.

Now I look out over a crowd of Christians here at home and my heart begins to judge instead of love.  I doubt motives instead of testing my own.  I see pride instead of potential.  I see sinners instead of a Savior.

Now I have to ask myself the question "Who changed?  God, or me?"

God doesn't change.  I stake my life on that fact.  

So then it's me.  I realize I've let circumstances change my view of God.  I've let busyness crowd out the quiet and I've let my own pride stand in the way of Jesus having His way in my heart.

So my daily reminder is this - Seek Jesus.

Seek Jesus and listen.
It takes a daily commitment.  Daily saying yes to Jesus; seeking Him.
He longs to pour His love over my soul and watch it bubble over into the lives of others.  He's waiting for me to humble myself before Him and forget about myself.  He is the same.

It's focusing on the unseen things that creates visible change.

Love never fails and God's love never changes.

Community

We met in the Chicago airport for the first time. 

{Kristal's first flight was cancelled so she isn't in this first picture}

I prayed for team unity, blogged about it, wrote it on my prayer cards and penned it into my journal countless times.  And let me tell you - God answers prayer!

Only God knew how close we would become, how much He would use these girls to shape my life and the tight bond we would share together as we experienced life in Nepal for six weeks.

Note: the guy you'll see in quite a few of these photos wasn't actually on our team.  He was an intern for our organization, and was able to #tagalong with us for several trips and experiences.  He was a blessing in so many ways (i.e. fixing toilets, hauling luggage and squashing bugs).

You couldn't have chosen nine more different girls, even if you'd tried!  Honestly, we were a unique bunch, joined and unified by a love for Jesus, and the fact that Carly had picked us (with the Holy Spirit as her guide of course).

It wasn't easy.  The first couple days/week was fun.  We dove in headfirst sharing fun facts, stories and all sorts of things about us.  Then thing got a bit harder.  Time progressed and our circumstances only become more uncomfortable.  We had a choice.  Press in or pull out.

Our leader encouraged us to be vulnerable and transparent, simple at first, but then three weeks flew past and I got tired.  I was frustrated with feelings and emotions from the daily life in Nepal.  I didn't know if they would understand.  I was scared they would judge me, think my feelings were crazy. 

Our differences could have built walls and barriers but instead Jesus used them to compliment our personalities, and our team became stronger.  

We were the body of Christ, equipped by Him for His purposes.  

Strengths overcame weaknesses and Jesus was glorified.

Several times a day we would spend time in prayer for each other, our mission and the people we came in contact with.  We shared our testimonies, our hearts and our struggles.

When I was weak and discouraged, they came alongside of me and gave encouragement and strength.

I had only just met these girls and had done nothing substantial for them, no favors or tasks, yet I was their friend and they loved me - they loved me like Jesus, fully and freely.

I began to understand what true community was supposed to be like.  Broken people joining together to love Jesus.

True community is being real.  The kind of real that opens up your heart to love and pain.  The kind of real that doesn't hide behind a mask of fake happiness.  The kind of real that extends grace when you fall and love when you fail them.  The kind of real that points out the good and forgives the bad.  The kind of real you get when nine girls press into Jesus, each other and the uncomfortable around them.

It was hard and several times I wanted to withdraw not wanting to go there, not wanting parts of my heart to be brought into the light.  But when Jesus finally won and I spilled my guts, it was met with love, grace and understanding.

I had to admit I was wrong, ask for forgiveness and learn to forgive.

But with every experience our team grew closer.

Community is worth fighting for!

These girls.  I love them.

And now I miss them something fierce.