When Loving Hurts

The waterfall crashed with deafening sounds just inches from my feet. The cool air blew my hair and the fresh spray coated me in a delightful coolness. I was on a rock, a solid rock. I felt safe and loved. Loved by Jesus. 

All week He had been showing up in real ways, giving me a heart for people, giving me His love for those around me. And the waterfalls pressed me deeper into His power and love. 

I felt alive. 

This view took my breath away. 

Dancing through the water. Singing, praying, feeling God's love literally wash over me. It was beautiful. 

Fast forward to the evening. I sat in a crowded hotel room with my team. I watched the computer screen and my heart was broken. A short video visualized trafficking in a way that made my stomach curl. I had read about the horrors of the sex trade, watched documentaries, etc. but being in this country, visiting the border, seeing innocent girls, talking with the experts...Something broke within me. It became real and I was horrified. God had changed my heart and opened my eyes to see the world through His view. I had felt the love, and now I was feeling the hurt. 

The pain. The ache. It was/is real. 

In the morning while I felt fully alive, dancing in the love of Jesus... a girl was just begging to die, not even knowing such joy is even possible. 

My heart was conflicted. So much pain. 

I was unsure of how to feel. I wanted to feel God's love and prayed for my heart to be opened. And once again I realized that pain accompanies love. It's not all smiles. Yet the hurt can stifle my heart, or drive me to action, to prayer, to love everyone around me with the same love I feel from God. 

God allowed me to feel His pleasure so I could then love with His power. 

 What now? What do I do with these intense emotions? 

There is nothing I can do but seek the face of God, surrender my life to Him and let His love pour out of me like a waterfall.